Transformation
Perhaps the most difficult part about Teacher Corps has been how gradually I have noticed any transformation in myself as a teacher. Looking back, however, I can see some changes that may have occurred over time that I had no idea were happening while they were.
Holly Springs Summer School Year 1: Whenever I think about how much I have grown since I first began MTC at Holly Springs Summer School, I think more about how I have grown as a person rather than a teacher. When I began MTC, I was two weeks out of a college experience where I had been a leader on campus, a triple major/triple minor student with honors, a performer in my schools' major choruses, was involved in many other groups and internships, and was, in my opinion, completely unstoppable. This was all before I moved to a new state completely by myself and was told that I was going to fail in the program I had just entered. Learning to deal with this daily failure is something that I never wished upon myself, but it is something I have learned from far more than any other experience.
While at Holly Springs, I learned to plan and execute a lesson under extreme time constraints and on top of grad school work. I was only ever happy with one or maybe two lessons that I taught that whole summer, but those lessons were enough to convince me that perhaps I could teach after all. When I left summer school, I did not know if I was doing anything right at all, but was left with no choice but to press onward.
NPJH Year 1: My first year at NPJH felt like something straight out of a horror movie or somebody's worst nightmare. Memories of my first year include class periods where nobody was ever sitting down, orange peels being thrown at my head, the three fights that happened in my classroom, attitudes, tears, and anxiety. I imagined that first year teaching would be the hardest thing I have ever done, and this expectation proved to be correct. I was worried about management, and this has continued to be a daily battle for me every day. Even before arriving at my school and even before I joined Teacher Corps, I wondered what kind of curriculum I would have to work with and worried about the challenges of deciphering and teaching it accurately. This fear came to fruition when I was actually given no curriculum whatsoever, and then the challenge of knowing what to teach every day while trying to manage a group of 15-20 students, many of whom lack academic motivation. The year was made worse by how the principal was overbearing and not an effective communicator. Most days I just had no idea what was going on or what I was supposed to do. Most of this year seems to have become something of a blur in my memory. I left the year feeling as though I had truly accomplished nothing, had not taught at all, and that everything would have to change for the next year. Towards the end of the year, I requested that I either be allowed to switch to the high school (which had been promised earlier that year, but later denied after I had put much thought into making that difficult decision mid-year) or to at least switch to the other section of English at the junior high. I was allowed to make the switch to the other section, being promised that I would receive more support and stability during year two.
Holly Springs Summer School Year 2: Although I was only at Holly Springs for two weeks during the second year, I think that the most valuable thing I learned was that I HAD improved. We had close to thirty students in our classroom, and I never had management issues. I felt more comfortable in front of a class than I had the previous year at Holly Springs, and it was very refreshing to be in front of a class that was not creating a new world war in front of my face every day. It was also helpful to receive feedback again, since I really had no idea what exactly were the kinds of things I needed to change in my classroom. My second year at summer school helped to boost my confidence enough to make it back for a second year.
NPJH Year 2: After much needed time at home, I returned to my second year at NPJH. My first two months were almost flawless in terms of behavior, but then things started to go downhill again sometime in October. Perhaps it was because the students were more comfortable to being in school, or perhaps it was because they realized that I really did not have better ideas of things to do in my classroom. This year has definitely been an improvement in that I do not feel the same sense of impending doom whenever I leave my house in the morning, but I am very disappointed in that I expected many of my problems to go away. I still struggle with discipline and respect issues, as well as with determining effective teaching methods and keeping the kids engaged. There are slight improvements and there have been no fights in my classroom this year, but I am disappointed that I have not been able to grow more. I am, however, given feedback from my instructional coach more often than I used to, so I am still given some feedback and ideas of ways that I can improve. This helps occasionally, but I am still more often than not left to the devices of my own judgment.
Holly Springs Summer School Year 1: Whenever I think about how much I have grown since I first began MTC at Holly Springs Summer School, I think more about how I have grown as a person rather than a teacher. When I began MTC, I was two weeks out of a college experience where I had been a leader on campus, a triple major/triple minor student with honors, a performer in my schools' major choruses, was involved in many other groups and internships, and was, in my opinion, completely unstoppable. This was all before I moved to a new state completely by myself and was told that I was going to fail in the program I had just entered. Learning to deal with this daily failure is something that I never wished upon myself, but it is something I have learned from far more than any other experience.
While at Holly Springs, I learned to plan and execute a lesson under extreme time constraints and on top of grad school work. I was only ever happy with one or maybe two lessons that I taught that whole summer, but those lessons were enough to convince me that perhaps I could teach after all. When I left summer school, I did not know if I was doing anything right at all, but was left with no choice but to press onward.
NPJH Year 1: My first year at NPJH felt like something straight out of a horror movie or somebody's worst nightmare. Memories of my first year include class periods where nobody was ever sitting down, orange peels being thrown at my head, the three fights that happened in my classroom, attitudes, tears, and anxiety. I imagined that first year teaching would be the hardest thing I have ever done, and this expectation proved to be correct. I was worried about management, and this has continued to be a daily battle for me every day. Even before arriving at my school and even before I joined Teacher Corps, I wondered what kind of curriculum I would have to work with and worried about the challenges of deciphering and teaching it accurately. This fear came to fruition when I was actually given no curriculum whatsoever, and then the challenge of knowing what to teach every day while trying to manage a group of 15-20 students, many of whom lack academic motivation. The year was made worse by how the principal was overbearing and not an effective communicator. Most days I just had no idea what was going on or what I was supposed to do. Most of this year seems to have become something of a blur in my memory. I left the year feeling as though I had truly accomplished nothing, had not taught at all, and that everything would have to change for the next year. Towards the end of the year, I requested that I either be allowed to switch to the high school (which had been promised earlier that year, but later denied after I had put much thought into making that difficult decision mid-year) or to at least switch to the other section of English at the junior high. I was allowed to make the switch to the other section, being promised that I would receive more support and stability during year two.
Holly Springs Summer School Year 2: Although I was only at Holly Springs for two weeks during the second year, I think that the most valuable thing I learned was that I HAD improved. We had close to thirty students in our classroom, and I never had management issues. I felt more comfortable in front of a class than I had the previous year at Holly Springs, and it was very refreshing to be in front of a class that was not creating a new world war in front of my face every day. It was also helpful to receive feedback again, since I really had no idea what exactly were the kinds of things I needed to change in my classroom. My second year at summer school helped to boost my confidence enough to make it back for a second year.
NPJH Year 2: After much needed time at home, I returned to my second year at NPJH. My first two months were almost flawless in terms of behavior, but then things started to go downhill again sometime in October. Perhaps it was because the students were more comfortable to being in school, or perhaps it was because they realized that I really did not have better ideas of things to do in my classroom. This year has definitely been an improvement in that I do not feel the same sense of impending doom whenever I leave my house in the morning, but I am very disappointed in that I expected many of my problems to go away. I still struggle with discipline and respect issues, as well as with determining effective teaching methods and keeping the kids engaged. There are slight improvements and there have been no fights in my classroom this year, but I am disappointed that I have not been able to grow more. I am, however, given feedback from my instructional coach more often than I used to, so I am still given some feedback and ideas of ways that I can improve. This helps occasionally, but I am still more often than not left to the devices of my own judgment.